5.2

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS

This is a direct sequel to my post about B on Friday. 

So Saturday, one of my local basement venues put on a big 'festival' where just about every single local band I could think of showed up and played. I knew B was gonna be there but I figured all the noise (and alcohol) would take my mind off of those deeply upsetting feelings I was having. 

The event was supposed to last until only 9 but of course it didn't. This turned out to be a good thing because we were really fucking drunk. Like to the point that B kept falling over. And at the same time I was going crazy because the alcohol was *shockingly* making my feelings worse. He was getting more and more affectionate the whole night, and because he was straight, I was stopping myself from reciprocating.

At around 9:30 we end up sitting outside on the patio. The chairs are soaking wet from the rain but we're so plastered that we don't care. He tells me I don't have to stay up there with him but I wanted to make sure he was fine. He says he's really grateful for me and we sit in silence for a while.

There's other people out there too and for whatever reason they're talking about sexuality. I'm not paying attention to this conversation at all but I guess B was because he blurts out "I don't use labels!"

"Wait, what?"

"Don't worry about it," and that's when he hugs my arm.

It turns out that I didn't read him correctly when he told me he used to identify as bi in high school. I didn't consider that instead of being straight, he just didn't like labels.

We sat there for what felt like an eternity. I was trying my best to process what was happening but my brain was in total shock.

Finally he says, "I really like you."

"I thought you were straight?"

"I don't know where you got that from. You really couldn't tell I liked you?"

I was so drunk and tired (I hadn't eaten yet either!) that I just start listing off people that would find this really funny. Professors, friends, etc. Eventually we go back downstairs but I keep panicking and going back outside to call a couple friends about the situation to calm myself down. For context, I've been liked by very few people, and this was the first time that I actually had feelings back. They weren't exactly negative emotions but I was extremely overwhelmed and had to talk to people so I wouldn't freak out B. I ended up leaving shortly after that because I felt sick and needed to lay down.

I slept for maybe three hours that night, but manned up the next day and asked him if he meant what he said last night. 

To cut a lot of things short, we've already been on two dates and I'm super fucking happy. I even had my first kiss ever on Sunday. I even took him to my favorite spot to stargaze and I'll most likely write about that next post. 

It's just crazy to me that on Friday I thought I had no chance and now we're starting to date. It's insane to me.

Expect MANY updates about this. See you next time! -G