April

So Much Change

It's been about a month and a half since I last posted. Life has been super busy for me and I feel like somehow, so much has changed.

I'm close with mostly entirely different people now than I was in February. An old friend was kinda horrible to me and a mutual friend of ours. This led to the collapse of my final friend group, and now I'm kinda floating around the social pool of my city.

I have friends all over now. I got way closer with that mutual friend as we navigated that guy's bullshit. A few new ones were made due to my increased time alone on weekdays, where I now use that time to study at a table in the music building's lobby. I've spent enough time with the other regulars at that table that I've become friends with them, bonding over silly gossip (a whole ton of "wait, did we really just see/hear that?") and our shared opinions on music and musicianship.

I've also continued to bond with a few professors, who I consider more as genuine mentors than just people running a class for a paycheck (there are plenty of those types here). I've also faced conflict with faculty, mostly my boss, to the point where I've had to talk to the chair about how he's been treating me.

I don't think about the guy I was in love with as much anymore, though he continues to make cameos in my dreams and day to day conversations. I ran into his ex-bandmate yesterday at a show, and we actually ended up talking for a long time and even grabbed each other's socials before the night ended. I'm also certain he's stalking my Instagram, as a private account with his initials in the username has viewed my public story a few times now. It's surprisingly not getting a strong reaction out of me either way.

Speaking of, I also came back to Instagram a couple weeks ago. I don't doomscroll anymore. I don't even care to watch most reels that people send me. The most I do on there is check people's stories and respond to DMs.

I'm also trying dating apps now, but plan to delete my accounts when my subscription runs out in May. They're just as unappealing as I thought they'd be.

I had another dream about my dad: the one where I can fly and use that ability to run away and hide from him. I'm still no contact and don't plan on that changing.

In conclusion, a lot has happened. I feel like I'm in a transitional part of my life where everything feels temporary and like it'll all change any second. Despite my worry, I think it's been good for me. I've had to learn even more about maturity and handling difficult people than ever. Here's to hopefully more positive change.

I've also had a lot happen to me academically that I'd love to write about soon, but that will likely happen when the semester ends in May. I'll see you guys next time. -G