2.2

 Weekend Cope-a-thons: A Look into the Day of a Totally Normal Guy

I hate weekends. There used to be a time where I would spend all day and even nights with my friends, but with all the unfortunate changes lately, I don't see anyone anymore. Everyone I was hanging out with on weekends last year is now out of my life for one lame reason or another. From being outright excluded for no reason to sexual harassment, I've had to cut out a lot of people recently. 

It sucks! While it's good that all these asshats are out of my life, I'm left in this weird transitional state. While I may have friends, I'm not at a stage with anyone where I'm invited to just hang out and vice versa. I really miss just being invited to the campus dining hall or someone's place to just shoot the shit or study or play dumb games on our phones together. I'm at a point now where when anyone thinks of me for anything, I get overwhelmed with appreciation. It's so bad that I sobbed in the public bathroom in December because my ensemble director reprinted some programs after our performance, just so me and my mom could have a version without a silly typo in my last name. (We were backstage talking when I got maybe 10 different messages from people pointing out the typo. My mom and I thought it was funny and I told him neither of us cared but he still announced the typo to the audience when I was on stage.) Full-blown sobbing just because it showed he cared about me during a time when a lot of people were letting me down big time. (I love you Jeff, you're like a grandfather to me)

TLDR, weekends make me pretty sad now, and seeing that Valentine's Day is this Saturday is filling me with Lovecraftian dread. Until I (hopefully) grow closer with my friends (we're gonna act like I haven't recently developed an intense fear of abandonment and betrayal that may or may not hinder my surviving and future friendships), I've been throwing myself into academic lockdowns to protect myself from the flood of misery that Saturdays and Sundays bring me.

my fit was lowkey fire today

Here's all the bullshit I did today:

10:30 AM: woke up miserable. I had a dream that my dad was a good father. I don't think about my dad a lot ever since I stopped talking to him in August, but just my luck, I had to start my weekend grieving a version of my father that hasn't existed since like 2010 (what corrections work does to a mf).

old man yaoi >>>>>>>>>> age gap yaoi
robby lowkey bad

1:15 PM: I finally left the house at this time and got a $5 meal deal from Dunkin. I took so long because I doomscrolled Tumblr under The Pitt tag for a while since I saw the new episode on Friday (I have to wait a day for my pirating website to get it). I still don't know where the Whitaker x Robby ship came from but it's a fan favorite for sure. You have to sail a sea of #hucklerobby posts to find anything else. I don't really get invested in shipping (and haven't since I was in middle school), but there are characters that are way more compatible with Robby than Whitaker is (Abbott). 

notes as fire as my fit

1:30 PM: Walked across campus in the snowstorm. The coffee numbed my hands but I refuse to ever get it hot. I would just do my work at home but I'd get sad and I kinda like being able to associate my apartment with just sleeping and doing nothing.

2:00 PM: started reading for my Audio Theory class. We have two books for this class and I accidentally read the wrong section for a solid two hours. I was pissed, but it ended up working in my favor because I liked how the 'wrong' book covered the topic better than the other book did. Ate the whole sleeve of Ritz crackers that I planned to snack on the entire day in 10 minutes.

6:00 PM: Finally caught up on all the reading for Audio Theory. Despite my earlier carb extravaganza, I was craving chips really bad. I don't let myself have them in the house or I eat them all in one sitting, no matter how big the bag is. I decided to treat myself today because it's so rare for me to be ahead on readings for a class. Dinner was a family-sized bag of Ruffles and half a thing of shitty Tostitos queso that's so good for no reason. I don't think I've ever had more carbs in one day but maybe that's because my brain was totally rotted from all the microphone and psychoacoustic talk today.

made this photo when I ate my chips

6:30 PM: Realized that I should probably be studying for my Complex Analysis class. While there's no graded homework, there are optional ungraded assignments, and I don't see how you'd actually get a grasp on the material enough to pass the exams (our entire grade) if you didn't do them. I ended up catching all the way back up to the most recent CreepCast episode (another rare occurrence for me), so I went back and watched a classic. My earpods were starting to bother me, so I watched the whole thing out loud, which was fine because I didn't see anyone in the music building past 6 PM anyway.

genuinely the funniest fucking shit ever

i fear that wendigoon is also lowkey bad

10:15 PM: finished all the homework on Planar Sets and the video just a few minutes apart. The building technically closes at 10, so I headed out. My god, it was so fucking cold. By the time I lit my cigarette for my walk back, my hands were already numb, and I think I was bordering getting frostbite on my face by the time I walked through the wind tunnel that forms right at the parking garage entrance. I was only outside for maybe 15 minutes.

10:45 PM: I got home, and once I got situated, it was time for the final stretch of studying: that fucking chart that I hate. I actually like this standard a lot but having to dig in and really work to understand and apply the music theory is awful. Jazz is my weakest topic, and my bass professor knows this very well. I can only muster a half hour a day of bass practice because I have too much other stuff to do, and trying to fit in more would burn me out quicker. I think it was a productive 30 minutes though.

ignore me spelling the chords out like an idiot..
I forget everything the second I have to solo

11:15 PM - Now, 2:30 AM. I've been writing this post in between texting a friend about random bullshit. Hopefully I fall asleep soon after I hit post!

This is basically what every day of my weekends looks like right now. Tomorrow will be nearly the same, except with a trip to the laundromat. It's definitely interesting to see what I'm actually doing with my time. If I don't write down things I tend to forget them. Times are tough but at least I'm learning a lot!

That's all for now! See you next time! -G