1.11

 Restless Anticipation 

We are now 6 days away from my first day of classes for the semester. It would be a complete lie to say I'm not nervous at all. I'm scared of drama, of losing friends, of people that I don't need back in my life contacting me, of having trouble with my classes again... I'm scared of everything. The start of the semester used to mark excitement and new beginnings, but after the issues I faced throughout 2025, I'm only weary of what's to come. 

For the back half of this week, I'm doing my best to get myself in the best possible shape for this semester. I just built as much of my schedule as I could on some app I have and sent out some emails to finalize the few missing things in there. I think being off most social media will continue to be good for me since it takes away some of the stress that social life causes me.

I'm also making sure that I have fun things to do throughout the semester. I'm starting off strong with a concert on Sunday and a LOTR marathon on Monday, but I've already bought tickets to a few more shows as well! Hopefully, my classes won't interfere, but we'll have to wait and see. 

Another thing I want to do is get as familiar with these classes as possible before they start. The classes aren't available online yet, but what I do have right now are the website course descriptions for each class. Let's see what I've got:

• Careers in Audio: This looks like a setup for our internship that'll take place next year. We're gonna talk about different jobs you can go into with my degree, and they'll apparently have some guest lecturers come in to talk about their careers (will this actually happen? I don't know.) I don't think this is anything I'm gonna have to stress about.

• Multitrack Production: We finally get to use one of my favorite rooms in the building! We have this really great tracking studio that we haven't been allowed to use on our own until now. It looks like our goal here is to learn how to run a whole basics session on our own, where we record a whole group at once. We're gonna have a recording project, but there's no elaboration on that at all. It looks like this might be the most time-consuming course I'll have because of the recording sessions I'll be doing. 

• Advanced Audio Theory: We're gonna go into depth about how all sorts of recording equipment works. There's gonna be another recording project and "technical research," which I'm guessing is a research paper of some sort about products of our choosing? This could be very time-consuming, depending on whatever clarifications I get about this stuff in the syllabus. I'm a little worried because this is the same professor I had that appeal with. Truly the wild card of the semester.

•  Fundamentals of Sound Recording: Oh man... another physics course. I really hated physics. I skipped most of the course and never studied, but because I'm alright at math, I still got a C. Looking at the topics of this course, I don't think I'll be able to BS my way through it this time. At least we don't have a lab like last time. 

• Complex Variables I: I've talked about this class before, so I won't go into a ton of detail. I'm doing everything I can to prepare for it because I know it's gonna be hard. I expect this to eat up a lot of my time as well, but as long as I space things out, I think I'll be okay. Maybe I'll make a friend I can study with, but the STEM people at my university don't socialize a lot. (They don't wear deodorant a lot either. The smell of some classrooms is CRAZY.) Here's to hoping, though. 

• Applied Bass: These are just my bass lessons. My worry is that I know that I need to write an original piece for my jury in May. It's something I should get out of the way sooner than later. Maybe I'll just make a jazz chart and call it a day? I really don't want to have to write some solo etude for my bass.

• Choir: I FORGOT ABOUT THIS. There's a requirement where you have to do a certain number of conducted ensembles, and this was my only choice. I either had to take it now or next fall, and I'd rather get it done now when I know my schedule is open for it. I'm friendly with the director because I've worked a lot of concerts for him, and he was happy to have me, so it should go fine (apparently, they desperately need tenor 1 singers, so he was so giddy when we figured out my range at my audition). It's just four hours of singing a week, though, and I'd rather be doing other things. 

• Percussion Ensemble: The other thing in question. I love this ensemble, and I love the director. We're even friends on Facebook. I play bass for it, which is something people always wanna do, and I'm so happy I've had this spot secured all year. I was supposed to leave this semester because his other favorite bass player already called dibs over the summer, but then at the performance, he told the audience, "for the first time ever (2 decades), we're gonna have two bassists next semester!" A wonderful surprise for me and the other bassist, since we're also friends. Our director loves doing a noisy avant-garde piece, so I'm hoping he finds a way to utilize both of us in a piece at some point! I hope we do a Zappa piece again too because this was fucking crazy to learn (though my bass part was actually the bass marimba part with all the fun 32nd note quintuplet stuff) and I'd like to do something like it again.

Looks like things are gonna be hard but very fulfilling. It's gotta go better than last semester... right?

CDs!

On my journey from Spotify to Bandcamp, I've found that there's some things that aren't on Bandcamp that I absolutely wanted access to at all times. I bought a few CDs and they came in the mail today!

I've never heard that live album before,
but I had a feeling it'd be worth my money.

I'll write more about them later when I've had some time to listen to them again.

My Music Collection

A CD that I have had time to listen to is Loveless by My Bloody Valentine! This record was an immediate 10/10 for me the first time I listened to it. I vividly remember sitting on my bed in high school, picking this album randomly on RYM's top 100 chart, and getting goosebumps the second Only Shallow started. I still get goosebumps now! It's hard to think of any other albums that get that kind of reaction out of me. Really great stuff. Everything about it feels like a warm summer sunset. The first time I drove my new car home, it was during a beautiful summer sunset, and I made sure to play this CD so fucking loud on the highway.

Shoegaze doesn't get better
than this.

That's all for now. Thanks for reading and see you tomorrow! -G

1.10

Black Midi

I was shocked to open my phone last night and find that one of Black Midi's two founding guitarists, Matt Kwasniewski-Kelvin, died. It really shook me because I have friends his age, and Black Midi is probably the most important band that's entered my life. 

I got into the band basically the day they released John L. Some music meme page I followed on Instagram at the time posted about how batshit insane the song was, and I was intrigued. I listened to it once and was like What the fuck? Then I listened to it again. and again. and again. and again... John L is my 6th most-streamed song of all time.

Shoutout to my MCR phase that was occurring at the same time.
Black Midi and MCR were on 24/7 in my house from 2021 to 2023.

I loved how confused I was by it, and that quickly turned into a genuine love for the song: the demented yet catchy riff, the tale of John Fifty and his followers, the polyrhythm hell in the middle, MORGAN SIMPSON'S DRUMMING, Geordie Greep's absurd vocals with his "geographically unclassifiable" accent. Every second of it is so captivating, whether you end up loving or hating it. I think it's a perfect song. This led me to dive deep into music forums to try to find the weirdest, yet coolest, shit out there. I got obsessed with the little music Black Midi had put out at this point and eventually found myself listening to their, at the time, only album: Schlagenheim. 

I loved Schlagenheim immediately on my first listen. It was everything more I wanted from John L. Screaming guitars, musical jumpscares, stories of chaos, yet some parts of it are genuinely beautiful (Western somehow covers all of these but the screaming guitars). All of those extra aspects were thanks to Matt Kwasniewski-Kelvin. It made me so sad to learn that he was no longer in the band and that he had no part in anything beyond Schlagenheim. It was clear how important he was to the band's style, because no other album in their discography has that same energy (I see Cavalcade and Hellfire sounding much more related). When the band was still together, I always hoped he'd come back, at least for one tour. It's clear now that it would've never happened, as the band moved to a more proggy sound before quietly breaking up just a couple of years later.

As I got older, my tastes also happened to change in that direction, which especially worked in my favor when Geordie Greep's The New Sound came out. I still see Greep on tour whenever I can, and will be seeing his solo act for the fourth time this April. But looking back, I still wish one of those five times I saw Black Midi included Matt. 

The first time I saw Black Midi was in October 2021. They opened with Schlagenheim's opener, 953, and in that moment, I knew I needed to get involved in music somehow. The energy in that room was absurd, though they had Kaidi screaming on a saxophone instead (a touring member I wish they kept around for longer). I wanted to be a part of something like this, beyond just being a fan, so badly, and I still do. Here I am, nearing 5 years later, making my way towards a career in audio and music, and I have to give a lot of credit to Schlagenheim for pushing me in this direction. I still think about those Black Midi shows whenever I feel like I should quit music and get reminded why I ever started in the first place. Without Matt, Black Midi would've never been on the map in the first place. Greep's solo work continues to inspire me just as much, but it would've never happened if not for Black Midi.

My Music Collection

Today's pick is obviously gonna be Black Midi's Schlagenheim, which I really hold dear to my heart. Western's my favorite, but there are so many other fun and insane moments in this record. I really recommend checking the whole thing out if you're up to challenge yourself musically.

stunning cover art too

Please check in on your friends now and then, even if it may not seem like they're struggling. Losing people in this way is so tragic. If you're reading this, know that I care about you even if I don't really know who you are. 

See you tomorrow -G

1.9

 The fight for Consistency

Habits are always something I've had an issue with. I somehow find good habits hard to keep up and self-destructive habits so easy to fall into (even if they take more effort than the good ones). I don't really know why I'm like this, but I've been doing my best, one day at a time, to build better habits. My best guess is that it's just from years of depression, where I threw all care about my well-being out the window.

I'm not talking about going to the gym or getting my homework done at a reasonable hour; it's the absolute minimum, like drinking water every day. I find it really embarrassing because I feel like my friends don't have these problems, but I think it's important to talk about at least online. Mental health recovery has so many moving parts to it, and this just happens to be one of those parts for me.

I've found this app, Streaks, really helpful this past month. It was like $6, but I think it's worth it. I've put every single thing I need to do daily/weekly/monthly on here, and it's made me so much more consistent. It's helped me break down things I need to do throughout the week instead of trying to do everything at once and giving up. 

It sounds silly to write about, but having my apartment not be a total mess all the time has made me feel so much better about myself. I wish it didn't take me this long to successfully start working towards good habits (I've crashed and burned many times), but everyone has to start somewhere.

Losing My Mind Over Steely Dan

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I'm a bassist in music school (my degree is a BM in audio engineering). My school has a mandatory attendance for a variety hour every week, where anyone can sign up to perform for 15 minutes of the hour. It's kinda bizarre that it's mandatory and you can get held back if you 'fail' this 0-credit 'course,' but I kinda get why at the same time. It gives people a chance to perform for the first time, and it helps that they'll have a guaranteed audience of their peers cheering them on.

However, these Recital Hours were really, really bad last semester. It was beyond people being a little nervous and messing their stuff up. It was kids with massive egos having their sets fall apart because they were incompetent at holding rehearsals or even practicing their own music. The second hand embarassment was so much that the overall sentiment for next semester is that more of us really need to start signing up for these recital hours if we don't want to die of second hand embarassment every Thursday for the rest of our years here.

This inspired a ton of my friends to put things together to the year can at least start strong, and why I've convinced a ton of people to do a fun little Steely Dan set! I'm not their biggest fan ever but listening to Kid Charlemagne in the car on my drive to Thanksgiving dinner made me want to jam on that live so bad. I told my friend Jackson, who might be the biggest fan ever, that I wanted to do a Steely Dan set, and of course, he was all over it. Between him and me, we collected the best musicians we knew and told everyone to practice over winter break so we can hold rehearsals once we get back (praying everyone else did!!!!). 

We're doing Kid Charlemagne and Reelin' In The Years, which aren't terrible, but my third pick, Peg, has been giving me so much trouble to the point that I'm getting nervous that I won't be able to play it well at the performance in weeks. The verses are easy, but the chorus is, unfortunately for me, a slap bass part. I've only slapped once for a gig, but the lines were simple, and I had the excuse of only having five days to practice and the freezing cold weather to back up any missed notes (quite the story for another post). I've never had to do it since... until now. I should've listened to the bass part a little deeper before I picked the song instead of being distracted by Michael McDonald's god-tier harmonies. Trying to learn years of technique in a few weeks is a little crazy. I keep getting discouraged, but as long as I can keep up practicing every day, I think I'll be okay.

4 of my 5 basses. I left one in my locker over break
by accident </3

My Music Collection

Today's CD is Dawn FM by The Weeknd! While I'm not a fan of his slower music, The Weeknd knows how to make a dance track. What I like about there always seems to be something from this guy's discography that anyone can enjoy. It's a basic pick, but Take My Breath (the album's extended version) is my favorite. I love the buildup of the song and it's really fun live (my friend had me go last minute in 2025).

most of my CD cases are a little banged up
from being in the car, which is why all the discs
are safely stored in their own car-safe pouch now

Thanks for reading! I know my posts have been a little drier than they were to start, but things will pick up again when the semester starts next week. See you tomorrow. -G